over and done.

all this pain, all this agony, i hope it leaves me. i'm through with all this bull shit. i seriously can't believe it took me this long to do something like this. you probably lied to me more than once. i don't know. but it's to late now. i can't turn back. what's done is done. wait, let me make this clear to you. i've sat here patiently wondering, thinking, you kept me waiting which on my part was SO FRUSTRATING. seriously. what am i suppose to think. i used to believe we had something. i don't know what to think anymore. i'm not even sure if i'm okay right now. i do believe this is the right choice. so does many people and i'm glad i have there support. i know i'll make it through this with them by my side. even those who i would have not thought would help me out did, and i'm thankful for having everyone in my life. whether this breaks me or heals me, at least i know i have supportive friends who will always help me through whatever is happening in my life.

hell yeah.

SWEETIE. say what you want i don't give a shit. you tell me people hate me, i won't give a shit. say i can't dance, i don't give a fuck, say i'm a bitch, i won't give a fuck, tell me i'm a slut, i don't give a fuck, tell me that i try to hard, i won't give a fuck, say that no body likes me, i won't give a fuck, tell me all that stupid shit you trying so hard to hurt me with, i won't give a fuck. SAY ALL YOU FUCKING WANT ABOUT ME I'LL HEAR IT EVENTUALLY AND I'LL LAUGH IT OFF, WHY WOULD I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE. so you can continue your life and i'll continue mines. whatever people say is what they think. and they can think what ever.

it's time.

is there anyone out there who could heal my broken heart? no let me paraphrase that. is there anyone out there who i would truly adore and love that will be able to mend my broken heart? come to think of it, i don't think there is. every guy i come across, ends up being the wrong guy. WHY? i'm tired of having my heart broken. i'm tired of sitting here moping around. why can't there be just that one PERFECT guy that i know i will stick with forever. so what if its not the time for me to find a guy. i just want to find one who will stay by my side through thick and thin, through the bumpy roads my life takes. i thought i had found someone like that. i'm really not sure anymore. he's an amazing guy. yeah he makes a FEW bad choices, but what person doesn't. he's given me crazy butterflies. he's such a sweet guy, loving, caring, and has a CHARMING smile. aww. his smile. his smile. he goofs around with me and it's cute. but oh his smile. oh and his muscles. haha. and tummy. XD i can go on. but no! ;] let's just say he's great. ;] i guess i like him too much. it's time that i let go of him. yeah i'll probably still have those feelings. but i won't allow them to get me off track with my life. i can't let that happen to me again. not ever. boys are boys, they'll always break a girls' heart one way or another...

climbing up to the top.

babby, you still got my heart, but despite how i feel, i'll always be here for you. so what if i was hurting. i'm becoming stronger everday and i'm glad.

Depressed?

About a week or two ago, I had reach my lowest point in life. Since my birthday, my heart has been slowly hitting rock bottom. I've only had the chance to tell someone how I truly felt once. It was to someone who gets me so angry every so often. He's really a good person and I thank him for being here for me. The thing that bothers me the most is that I couldn't tell anyone else other than him. I just wasn't comfortable telling my closest friends. I know I have friends who will always help me through what ever and whenever, but this, I just couldn't.

I've been stuck on this guy for about 8 months now. He's got me going crazy. I miss him and think about him constantly. I've really haven't had anyone impact me like this before. Not even my first boyfriend would top this guy. He's really a good guy and though I'm head over heals for him, I'd just love to be friends with him only. It's really hard right now because I feel as if he doesn't care for anything what's so ever. Yet I know he does. In the back of my mind I want to say that he was leading me on, but is it true? Was he just wanting to get some attention? No, was he just a pimp? Getting all the girls he wants. Just messing with our feelings? I really want to him to know that I care for him deeply within my heart. I don't know if it's love, or if I just like him so much, but it's time for me to move on.

When I was at my lowest, I began to cry out of no where. Grades began to drop. I started to care less about food, people, homework, school, and I had the urge to quit dance. Dance is my life. If all this was happening all at the same time, I knew something was wrong with me. It had to stop. Was I depressed. All I did was try to pay attention during school, get distracted during dance practices, and when I'm home, it's even worse. I would just lay in bed for 2 or 3 hours when I should be eating or doing homework. I didn't understand what was happening to me at first. But after 2 weeks of not doing homework and coming home and just staring at the ceiling, My life needed to change. He still pops up in my head once in awhile, but I'm really trying to forget about him and move on. It's such a difficult thing to do. But it's to make me feel better. If it's going to make me a stronger person then I have no choice but to move on. Just like the saying, "If you love someone so much, you got to let them go..."